[Originally Published September 4, 2012]
My devotional for this morning (from the “Made To Crave Devotional”) talked about this verse:
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect [mature] and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:3-4
She made the point that when we feel deprived of some food that we have chosen not to eat, there’s no joy in that moment. However, if we stick to our guns and choose the healthier option, the joy will come from knowing that we possessed the self-control to make the right choice.
I have to say that when I was at church on Sunday, I noticed the worship time was extra sweet. I felt closer to God than I have in years. And not just on Sunday – it was something I was starting to observe each day as I was exercising and eating only food that was good for me. I can’t explain it really, except to say that it felt like a barrier – maybe self-imposed, I don’t know – fell away.
But then this weekend, I went 3 days without doing so much as a push-up (I had intended to do push ups and sit ups every day to sort of “get ahead”). And by last night, I was starting to cheat a little here and there on my eating. I snatched half a pancake during breakfast yesterday and then ate the pepperoni off of Samuel’s pizza last night (hey, it’s a protein right?). And by last night, it was back – that feeling of defeat I have lived with for most of my life.
If I’m going to truly change, I have to change what I believe about myself. Am I capable of self-control? Can I tell myself “no”, even when it’s just something little like half a pancake? Can I have the self-discipline to exercise when no one is looking?
Thankfully, this is a 20 week bootcamp – not just 1 week. I guess they know that for me to really make a lifestyle change, I need the support that comes from going to the gym every morning and reporting what I ate the day before, then exercising with a group of women watching. I’ll be honest. If I hadn’t already joined, and if it wasn’t for the money I’ve already paid, and will pay regardless of how often I show up, I would not be putting on bicycle shorts this morning. No ma’am. I would not be thinking about all of this stuff. And I would believe like I have for years – that eventually, when I decided it mattered, I would just stop overeating and suddenly, I would just lose weight without even thinking about it.
Yeah, not so much.
I know better now. This is going to be a battle that I must fight every day of my life. Regardless of whether I am “feeling it” or not.
Let the games begin.