I try really hard not to complain here on the blog because, let’s face it – you’ve got better things to do than read about how stressed out I am. I mean, if your entire day consisted of nothing more than picking the lint from between your toes, you would be better off doing that than reading about how hard my life is.
Besides, I’m working on this little thing called contentment. I have found oh so many applications for this particular spiritual discipline.
(I started to write fruit of the Spirit but I’m not sure it is one of those found in Galatians 5. Sadly, I can’t quote Galatians 5 but can sing it thanks to the CD called “Hide ‘Em In Your Heart” which puts Scripture verses to music. This one goes something like this “The fruit of the Spirit is lovejoypeace patience kind-ness, go-odness…” Just trust me when I say that it is one of those annoying chipper kid songs that you can’t get out of your head. EVER.)
So back to contentment. I’m trying very hard to be content. I’m trying not to complain – and I’m doing okay, except for one thing.
For those of you who are my friends on Facebook or who are receiving my oh so sporadic updates via email, you already know the story of Garrett. And, in fact, you are probably getting a little tired of hearing that name. But I can’t quit thinking about him. I can’t quit thinking about my brother, Will, and his wife, Meredith. I can’t quit thinking about the rest of my family who are now together at Will and Meredith’s house in College Station.
The thing is, I know I can’t do anything to help. And that is the most helpless feeling in the whole world. Oh, I know that praying is not doing “nothing” – no lectures, please. It’s just easier to pray when you are there in the middle of the action, you know? And then, while you’re praying, you can also be running out to pick up some lunch for everybody or giving someone a hug or calling to update someone. These are the things I want to be doing.
But alas, everyone keeps telling me to stay put. Everyone tells me I would not be much of a help anyway, and besides, I do have these 3 rugrats of my own to care for.
Which brings me to my “realization” of the day. As I was fuming to God this morning about having to stay here and being left out of the action, I remembered something I am trying to learn: all I am expected to do is just what God has placed directly in front of me today. It’s actually pretty prideful of me to want to be there in the middle of everything, meaning that my reasons for wanting to be there are selfish. If I’m there, I get “thank-yous” and hugs and pats on the back for my “sacrifice”. If I stay here, doing the same old thing as always – while continuing to pray without ceasing – only God sees me.
Shouldn’t that be enough? Yes, it should. But I would be lying if I said that today, it was enough. Because frankly, today I struggled. But tomorrow is another day and another chance for God to burn my selfishness in His purifying fire. Maybe it would help if I cooperated a little, too.