Standing in the San Diego airport

[Originally posted on 8.30.2012]

The word “pain” has taken on a whole new meaning today.  I don’t know if I have ever hurt this badly.  In my entire life.  Ever.  Even during childbirth.

Of course, I had an epidural during childbirth, so that doesn’t exactly count.

Maybe I should say, while I was recovering from childbirth.  In between doses of Vicodin.

Which makes me wonder…do I still have any of that???  ‘Cause I’m seriously going to take some if I do.  I don’t know if I can sleep otherwise.  I’m afraid I will scare the dog when I wake up screaming in the night the first time I try to roll over.

And if it’s not enough that every muscle in my body is currently crying out in pain, I also went completely off my rocker at lunch today and ate a plate of nachos.

Question: How am I going to convince Ron and the others that I believed it was healthy?  “Why yes, I thought canned re-fried beans were a good source of protein!  And all that cheese?  Well, it’s got calcium in it!”  Even if I could say that with a straight face, there is just no way around the tortilla chips.  And the two cans of Coke.

Yes, I’ve blown it, and tomorrow I’m going to have to confess it to everyone in that group.  All those skinny girls with their iPhone apps to track calories and fat and protein and fiber.  I want so badly to hate them.  Except most of them are super nice.  They were calling out all kinds of encouraging words to me and Heidi during cardio on Tuesday.  Here we were, hardly able to move out of their way in time and so out of breath we couldn’t say a nice word if we wanted to (and we didn’t) – and they were cheering for us like we were on a team or something!  Watching them bounce from the bike to the floor and back up again was one of those things I wouldn’t have believed if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.  I mean, they made it look easy.  I want to make an hour of push-ups/sit-ups/biking through mud look easy.

But for tonight, I just want my body to stop cursing at me.  And I want to go to bed and sleep until the pain stops.

Corey (trainer) said today that people who work out like this for a while, then take a break, dread coming back because they remember how much it hurts that first week.  And one of the girls who stopped to talk to me afterward said the same thing – one week off and when you come back, you really feel it.

Hearing them say that reminded me of something a friend of mine wrote on Facebook.  She said during her “transformation” as they call it, her favorite quote was “If you are tired of starting over, don’t stop.”  I like that.  If I don’t want to have to start all over again…I can’t stop.  I may slow down sometimes, but I can’t just stop without knowing I will have to face this kind of week again.

And oh, for the love of all things sweaty, I NEVER want to go through this again!!!!!!!!