Now that marching band season is over, Samuel and Matthew will be riding to school together.  

Every. Single. Morning.

Oh, Joy.

This morning, as I sat in the car waiting for Matthew with Samuel already enjoying his turn in the front seat, all I could think about was how badly my teeth are hurting.  It’s a long story, but suffice it to say I am doing Invisalign and that makes my teeth move, which hurts.

But that’s not the point.  The point is that as we made our way to school, I mentioned my teeth to the boys.  Matthew immediately responded with, “I’m really sorry to hear that.  I’m always happy to give you a hug if you want one.”

Samuel said, “And how do you plan on getting my permission to do that?”  (Samuel was in the front seat and Matthew was seated directly behind him.)

“I don’t need your permission,” was Matthew’s response.

“Well, to get to Mommy, you would have to lean over me and unless you want to start a major fight, you would need my permission to do that,” said Samuel.

I tried to interject by saying, “Come one, guys.  Why does this matter?” 

But I was too late.  Matthew’s response was to tell Samuel that an elbow to the face would take care of the problem.

(Here we go, thought I.)

“I’d like to see you try,” said Samuel.

“Okay, then let’s do it after school today.”

I looked at Samuel and said, “I’m sorry but your face is no match for Matthew’s elbow.”

To which Samuel replied, “You don’t know how strong my face is.”

(Come on!  Seriously?  Are we having this discussion for real?)

Trying to put a stop to the almost-argument, I replied, “What do you mean?”

To which Samuel replied, “I’ve been playing my horn a LOT.  I’ve got serious muscles in my face!”

This led to more bantering about his face muscles versus Matthew’s elbow, but in the end, Matthew was baiting Samuel by escalating it and again offering to test Samuel’s theory after school.

Samuel’s response was to point out the band director would kill him if he went to school unable to play his instrument with a football game on Friday!

To which Matthew responded by calling Samuel a coward.

I knew Matthew was really trying to bait Samuel now, so I interjected with “Matthew!  Why would you say that!”  I’ll admit, it was obvious and overdone, but I was working to just make it to the school without a fistfight in the car.

Samuel looked at me and said, “You’re the one doing this, you know.”

That stopped me in my tracks.  “What?  You’re blaming me now?”

“If you would stop reacting, he would stop saying stuff like that.  You’re egging him on.”

I sat without saying anything for several seconds, then as we pulled up in front of the school, I said to Samuel, “I thought it was funny.  I was just making fun of him.”  Samuel said, “Sometimes it’s hard to tell when you’re joking.”

Being the mature adult that I am, I shot back, “Sometimes it’s hard to tell when you’re trying to hurt me on purpose.”

“There is no world in which I would intentionally hurt you unless I was extremely mad at you, and then you would know it.”

Again, I just sat stunned.  Then I said, “Well, saying that I’m the one causing Matthew to say those things is hurtful.”

“Sometimes my words are too blatant but that’s not because I’m trying to hurt you.”

Matthew was getting out of the car by now, and his parting shot at Samuel was to say, “Better put down the shovel, Samuel.  You’re just digging your hole deeper.”  Samuel said to me, “Just run over him.” then got out of the car.  The two walked their separate ways while I started laughing hysterically at the wit and comedy I experienced during my 5 minutes drive to school.

We’re a regular comedy act around here.  At least I forgot about my teeth hurting for a minute!