[Originally posted September 13, 2012]
I was feeling very down about this whole process, especially since learning on Monday that the diet I will be on for the next infinite number of weeks is basically a modified Atkins Diet. The Atkins Diet is my worst nightmare – high protein, very little carbs and fats. I have, for most of my life, survived on pretty much nothing but carbs and fats. And I have always disliked meat. Sooooo, how will I make this work, you ask? The answer for the moment is Protein Shakes. Around 4 a day, if I’m doing it right. Ugh. Reminds me a lot of that summer I was in college, doing Slim Fast with my best friend, Kim. Remember Slim Fast? A shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch, and a sensible dinner? I did lose a LOT of weight that summer, but I think it had more to do with the fact I was taking Tennis in the middle of the hot Texas summer and snacking on only fruit and drinking tons of water. But one thing I remember more than anything was how sick I got of drinking those shakes and watching everyone around me eating whatever they wanted for dinner, while I tried to enjoy Sbisa’s salads.
So as this week has progressed, and I have worked and worked to get enough protein into my diet while keeping the carbs and fats at bay, I have become pretty discouraged about the whole thing. Then this morning I woke up with a pretty big case of the “poor me’s”, and I know myself well enough to see this as a big danger sign. When I start to feel sorry for myself, plus feeling trapped like I do by the restrictions on my eating, I start to rebel. And that’s a pretty scary thing, given who our trainers are! People who rebel do lots of extra exercises, and that’s the LAST thing I need right now!!!
So what to do? Well, first I need to own the fact that I CHOSE THIS. No one put a gun to my head and made me sign up. And no one is forcing me to go to class today. It’s a choice, I’m a grown-up, and I can choose not to go if I want to. That’s number one.
Second, I am going to have to keep in mind WHY I chose this. I am not doing all of this – changing my eating, working out, etc. – for anyone else but myself. I am doing this so that I will have more energy, be able to climb stairs without getting winded, be stronger overall. And that’s not just about exercising – it’s about eating better and embracing the entire program. I need to trust that these people know what they are doing, regardless of the fact that I have only lost 2.5 lbs as of today. After 2.5 weeks.
And please don’t tell me that muscle weighs more than fat. I know. It’s just that after making SO MANY changes – drinking lots of water, eating so differently (healthy foods) and doing these ridiculous work outs 5X/week, I expected the scale to show some sign of change. I know I’m changing because my energy level is starting to increase oh-so-slightly and my clothes are fitting a tiny bit better. And I climbed stairs on Sunday and wasn’t as winded. And really, it’s not about the numbers. I am not THAT NUMBER. I just have to keep reminding myself of that today.
And perhaps tonight would be a good time for me to reinstate the gratitude journal I started last week. 🙂
