I got up this morning, stumbled into the bathroom, putting on my glasses as I went, then into the living room to let the dog out. After she came back in, I headed to the coffee maker – and noticed after a few moments that my dog who is normally glued to my side, wasn’t.

As I was pouring the coffee into my mug, I heard noises coming from our bedroom that sounded somewhat familiar. I realized she was probably getting into something she’s not supposed to. So I called her into the kitchen and she came running. I pulled out a pig ear and held it out to her. She looked up at me with this really guilty look on her face, DROPPED MY CONTACT CASE OUT OF HER MOUTH – yes, with my contacts still in it!!! – picked up the pig ear and took off.

If I hadn’t been so surprised, I would have taken the pig ear away, but by the time I realized what had just happened, she was hiding somewhere in the house, chewing like crazy. I decided to let her have it because hey, at least she isn’t chewing on my contacts.

And yes, I do realize how low my standards have dropped. Don’t judge me until you’ve lived a day with my dog. Or more than a day. Maybe you’d like to take her for a week – or or even, forever!

I’m just kidding. Sort of.