I was having lunch with a girlfriend at Newk’s this afternoon, and just as we were finishing up, I got a call from Brad.

Me: Hello?

Brad: I just got a very disturbing text from CapitalOne!

Me: What??!? What did it say?!!?

Brad: The text asked if we just spent $11,000 at Bloomingdales in New York!!!!

Me: WHAT??!?

Brad: Do you think it’s really our bank?


(Meanwhile, my friend is nervously glancing around the busy restaurant, trying to make sure I am not attracting too much attention.)

Brad: “Please respond YES or NO to authorize this charge to your account ending in 8508.” What should I do?!?!

Me: Oh my gosh!! That’s our actual credit card number!! Someone in New York has our card!!! Tell them no!!! TELL THEM NO!!!!

Brad: OKAY!! OKAY!

Me: I’ll get on our account in a second and see what else might have been charged!!! Oh my gosh! We have to get our account locked!

Brad: Well I’m sitting outside my hair cut place!!! I’ve got to go get my hair cut! I’ll text back no but can you handle it from there??!?!

Me: Yes!!! I’ll go call them now!!!

I told my friend what was going on; we said good-bye, and before I could make a run to the bathroom (because after sitting and talking to your best friend while drinking sweet tea for an hour and a half, BATHROOM), my phone was ringing again. It was Brad.

Me: What?

Brad: I texted NO, and they sent me a message with a link in it! Should I click on it? What if it’s a hoax???

Me: No! Let me get online and look at our account, and I’ll figure it out! Just go get your haircut, and we’ll talk after!

Brad: Okay! Bye!

I used the bathroom, went out to the car and checked my email, and this is what I saw:

So, I called Capital One, and they froze our card and put a fraud alert on the account and are sending us a new card. And as I drove home from lunch, I couldn’t help but wonder…what does a person spend $11,600 on at Bloomingdales New York? I mean, how much could a person spend there? I went online, and here’s what you can get for $11,600:

A watch.

A watch that looks like a fox.

Or, if you feel like picking out a few things, there is this nice coat:

Which I think would go well, worn over this dress:

And these stylish shoes (I’m kidding I actually think these are hideous):

And then, that’s when I hit THE MOTHERLODE!!!

This bracelet would be DARLING with the mink coat! And it will only cost you an additional $9752!!!
And just look at the savings! What a steal! I mean, you’re saving $13,800 and only paying $9752??? They might as well be paying YOU to wear it!!!

Unfortunately, that puts you over the $11,600 total (the total for the dress, coat, shoes, and bracelet is $18,592), but hey! Who cares? It’s a stolen credit card, remember?!!?! It’s not like YOU are paying for any of this!

OH WAIT – that’s right! IT’S ME who’s paying for all this!!!


Also, I have to wonder what kind of person buys this kind of stuff with a stolen credit card. I mean, it’s not as if they are stealing a loaf of bread to feed to their starving family!

So, I made up a story to fit the incident. It starts with a prostitute hanging out on Hollywood Boulevard…wait. Wrong city. It starts with a prostitute hanging out in New York City somewhere, and a lonely rich guy comes along and picks her up and takes her back to his hotel where he offers to pay her an unseemly amount of money to spend the week with him. She agrees. Then the man tells her he wants to take her to the opera, but she needs some fancy clothes to wear. Only in my story, he doesn’t give her his credit card. He tells her to figure out a way to get the fancy clothes – she’s obviously resourceful – so she goes into Bloomingdales and STEALS the red dress and matching jewelry so she can go to the opera with the man who is paying her for sex. Then they go to the opera, but on the way, she tells him “I had a great time – in case I forget to tell you later.”

It just doesn’t have the same appeal, does it?

But doesn’t it make you wonder? What kind of person says to themselves, “I’ve just GOT to have that diamond tennis bracelet!!! I NEED a pink mink coat! I can’t LIVE without those weird shoes with jewels on them! Whatever shall I do??? Oh, I KNOW! I’ll steal someone’s credit card number and just use IT to buy the swag!

Maybe I’ve lived in Texas too long, or maybe I’m just a little too simple-minded, but I think anyone who steals a credit card number, then uses it at Bloomingdales, should have to spend a year in some poverty-stricken country where you have to walk 10 miles just to draw water for your family. Every day.

Of course, I’m making a joke about what could have been a serious situation. I’m so very thankful that Capital One flagged the purchase and sent Brad that text! Because if I was having to actually pay that $11,600, you better believe I would be using every resource available to find out what they actually bought!!!

Because if I’m paying for it, I should at least be able to criticize the thief for their choices!!!